Tribute to Mum (Pat Donachie), April 19^th 2018

You who knew Mum may have known her as friend, parishioner, through work, as a volunteer, as a fellow pilgrim; as your sister, your Nana, your wife.

For Andrea, David and myself she was our very own Mum.

But however we knew her, we come together today to celebrate her life and her gentle loving nature.

Mum was born on 28^th February 1941 in Huddersfield.   One of seven children, life wasn’t easy in wartime Britain with her Dad away serving in the RAF, but Mum’s mother Lillian, our dear Nana, was the caring heart of the family through those difficult years.

Mum was a talented student landing her first job in a commercial laboratory.   But her real goal was to work in a hospital.   As with many of her passions, she worked hard and eventually joined the Lab Team at Huddersfield Royal Infirmary.

Mum had a strong catholic faith and, as a teenager, was active in the Legion of Mary, visiting people and helping in the parish.   One visit was to a nearby group run by a young Yorkshire man.   His name was Keith, and after the meeting he walked her to the bus stop and promptly invited her to a dance that weekend.   It was the beginning of a love affair which was to last for over fifty years.   However, as with all the best love stories, it nearly never happened.   Mum went to the meeting place on the wrong evening and thought she’d been stood up.   Teased by her sisters, they convinced her to go again the following evening where she found Keith, her future husband waiting.

Married in 1963, Mum and Dad moved to London starting life together in a one-roomed bedsit in Fulham. At this time mum was a Senior Lab Technician at the Royal Free Hospital.  This was Sixties London and Mum and Dad made new friends and were living life to the full; enjoying the theatre, dances and jazz clubs.

Their first real home was in Ashford Middlesex where Andrea, David and myself were born.   In the early seventies we moved to Reigate where some of my earliest memories begin; happy times in a loving home, with a garden, a swing and somewhere safe to ride our bikes.

And it’s comforting how many memories now surface: baking fairy cakes with mum and holding out to lick the bowl, sharing a Knickerbocker Glory at the Happy Eater, daytrips to Brighton, breaking down in the car on day trips to Brighton, fun family holidays in Dorset and Devon, long, long car journeys to see Nana in Yorkshire.   And Friday nights with crisps and treats, and perhaps a little treat for Mum and Dad from the local off-licence too.

Mum cared for us, and we quickly learnt from her the importance of caring for others.  She would take us to the then Royal Earlswood Hospital to help with discos and kid’s parties. She would also volunteer with Dad on Christmas Day to help the homeless with the Crisis at Christmas charity.  We learnt very quickly, that life wasn’t just about us and our nice little house and our swing, but about caring for everyone.   Just one of the precious gifts she left us.

Mum continued with her volunteering as a member of the SVP and at the Marie Curie Hospice -  she went on to become a Bereavement Counsellor at St Catherine’s Hospice in Crawley.   She also studied for a Diploma in Pastoral Counselling at Roehampton College and learnt sign language.   She retrained as a teacher and eventually became manager of the Frenches Lodge Day Centre.   Mum also loved going as a helper to Lourdes, and took communion to patients in East Surrey Hospital, a place where she would eventually receive other people’s loving care.

As if she wasn’t active enough, Mum discovered long distance walking. Joining the Arundel and Brighton Walking Pilgrimage and rambling the length and breadth of the country - facing long miles in uncertain weather, and sleeping on hall floors.   Dad remained unconvinced by this ‘holiday’, but hearing her tales of friendship and deeper spirituality (plus a fair bit of nagging) he was persuaded to join her and they shared many happy pilgrim times.   Eventually they would together walk the 800 miles of the Camino to Santiago da Compostella – just one of many of life’s challenges Mum and Dad faced together.

Five years ago, following a heart operation, Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. With Dad’s love and support she remained active till her recent and unexpected illness. 

Whilst it came far too soon, in her final and peaceful journey she was surrounded by her loving family. Mum never sought the spotlight, always being concerned to help others. Her faith was strong and based on action.   Her question was always, ‘What can I do to help?’

As we now come to terms with life without her and comfort one another in our loss, we are eternally thankful for the life she had, and the love she gave.

We pray she may already be walking and dancing in the fields of heaven, and hearing those welcoming words…

‘Pat, your pilgrimage is over, well done you good and faithful servant.